Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
