Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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