I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Enjoy the penises
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
