Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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