Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
