overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
