party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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