Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
