genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
