Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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