Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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