Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
