he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
