Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
