Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
