i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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