It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
