And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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