i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your penis caused this!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
