I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
