You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
