Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
