So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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