i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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