I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
