my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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