This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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