I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
