I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
