meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
