Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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