on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
