how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
