Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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