so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
