i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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