There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
