are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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