I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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