I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
