We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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