i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
