i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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