I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
