thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
