I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
