my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
