The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
