are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
