you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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