Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
