Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
