Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
