my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
