I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
