we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
