He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
