his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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