I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
