You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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