Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Mom said you looked used
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
