I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
