he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?