He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.