last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?