if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.