What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.