I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
