Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
