tell your sister to shave her snatch
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
