my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
