i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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