Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
