I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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