Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
