Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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